


Horns Over Heels

by Roseas_Alorei



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, BTW this is a universe where neither Game Over nor John's retcon meddling ever happened, I Don't Even Know, Karkat drowns in feelings, Karkat is a presh baby who needs a hug, Karkles plays the guitar, M/M, My first fanfic oh god, Rated T for Karkat's language XP, headcanons, i don't know what to tag anymore, songfic???, sorry it's shitty i tried
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-12
Updated: 2015-02-12
Packaged: 2018-03-12 02:03:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3339605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roseas_Alorei/pseuds/Roseas_Alorei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat thinks through his feelings while playing the only instrument he knows how to play. <br/>(This summary sucks but it's basically what this fic is)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Horns Over Heels

**Author's Note:**

> One day I decided I should try to write something about my OTP and I was listening to Horns Over Heels by Broadway Karkat (CantabileGato) so naturally the thing I write is a songfic.
> 
> Here's the song (I'd recommend to listen to it while reading this): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1GhJGYUcFvA

Karkat Vantas has never had a very easy life.

As if being born a mutant wasn’t awful enough, he had to be swept into a dreadful game with trolls who didn’t know how to stop fucking dying.

Of course losing his home, lusus and all sense of security also sucked. This, though, was nothing compared to the emotional turmoil he had to experience post-Sgrub. Firstly he had been stuck on a freaking meteor with the goddamn pricks he called friends. Secondly he had found out about the abhorrent pink human monkeys among whom there was a boy he had never felt so strongly toward in his entire existence.

Karkat had never hated someone so much in his miserable life. The way John Egbert made the lamest jokes in paradox space; how he made all those obtuse and pointless pranks and thought they actually were hilarious; how he had the most terrible taste in movies; how he was so incredibly moronic; how he had those dumb teeth that didn’t fit in his mouth; how his smile brightened up the room and his eyes were so abnormally _blue blue_ _blue_ like Skaia…

Yup, even his own feelings decided to give him the biggest ‘fuck you’ they could.

Karkat didn’t want to notice it at first. He didn’t want to admit that even the feelings he had told were as certain as rock started to become a mess. They had started to flip between black and flushed so aggressively that he started to doubt Sollux wasn’t the only bipolar troll in their group.

He was still so frustrated with John, but at times he felt like he just wanted to pick up the boy and shelter him from all the bad in the world. He started feeling warm and considerably less shitty inside sometimes while thinking about his blue eyes and hearty smile.

In the end Karkat had to come in terms with the cold hard fact that there was not even an ounce of hatred inside his heart for John anymore and he doubted there ever was. It didn’t matter anyway, as another fact was that John was _‘not a homosexual’_ , which meant Karkat had no chance at any romance with him. He had to settle for goddamn human friendship.

Oh but it was _hard_ , so fucking _hard._ How could he ever face him without the terrible urge to smack his lips against the buck-toothed boy? Especially when it seemed he was just hours from actually meeting the human face-to-face.

Except then he wasn’t. Apparently the dick had decided to stay with Jade and Davesprite and they would really meet after three whole years (which were about a sweep and a half). On top of that he got a face full of bucket.

_No_ , that didn’t give him any weird thoughts _what are you talking about._

Instead of John or even Jade he was stuck with Strider of all people and his ecto-sister Rose. He didn’t even have a Moirail to talk about his newfound feelings towards John as Gamzee was always God-knows-where. So he had to think about things all by himself. It wasn’t exactly the best of his ideas as his thoughts were always very self-destructive and he was basically drowning in his self-hate and immeasurable guilt over how everything went to shit. And most importantly thoughts about John.

John fucking Egbert towards whom Karkat had feelings so _red red red_ like his ugly mutant blood. The idiot had no idea how much it hurt to love and adore him.

Right now, though, Karkat was not hanging out with Dave (who turned out not to be half as bad as Karkat thought he was), Kanaya, Terezi or even Rose.  He was not even wallowing in self-pity this time (and we all know he was not with Gamzee because hell, it was like the guy just ceased existing entirely and Karkat would have probably been completely convinced that was the case if it wasn’t for the evidence the juggalo left hanging around of his being.) Instead he was wandering around the parts of the meteor they rarely were in. It was pretty much a place for them to dump stuff they weren’t in need of at the moment. A big-ass storage room if you will. Karkat wasn’t sure what he was doing there but what he did know was that he wanted some alone time (his Moirail would’ve been a somewhat acceptable presence but fuck if Gamzee was going to show up.)

He looked around the dark, empty lab and the things it contained. Heaps of fabric; tons of colorful balls of yarn; empty bottles that had once contained the sweet nectar of apple juice (as Dave called it); a bunch of useless clothes that were in no ways practical; piles of things that had once belonged to his dead friends and other shit littered the floors and tables. He scoffed as he begun to realize most of these things were just trash what would never be used again and were just taking up space.

Reaching the new session and meeting John was only a year away, Karkat recognized. He still had a lot of time to prepare himself for the confession of his unrequited affections. Yes, he knew he had to tell John. If he didn’t confess to him before it was too late he knew he’d spend the rest of his life regretting that he didn’t do it sooner.

While Karkat kept scanning his surroundings his eyes were laid on the lonely acoustic guitar leaning on one of the tables. It was something that Dave had alchemized as a prop to one of his laughable, ‘ironic’ human selfies. Once it had served that purpose the asshole left it there to decay with the rest of the forgotten items that sat in the room. Karkat walked up to it, sat down and let his hands feel the familiar instrument with professionalism. It wasn’t the first time he had held a guitar. In fact, he used to play the damn things all the time when he had nothing better to do. Playing a guitar was one of the few things he was actually good at because of his undying love for rock and the sound of the instrument in general when it was played properly. Guitars were just so awesome seeing how they could make such aggressive sounds yet they could also make calming melodies that got a person completely mystified if the player was skillful enough. And Karkat sure was skillful enough. He recalled that one time he sent Gamzee a recording of one of his original instrumental songs and the clown spent the next half an hour telling him it was full of _“rEaL mOtHeRfUcKiNg MiRaClEs.”_ He doubted he was that good anymore, since he hadn’t been playing a guitar for years due to the game and the shenanigans that ensued. He was surprised he still remembered things from the various chords to how the instruments were made.

Karkat struck a chord from the guitar and listened as it echoed in the empty lab. It was still sounding terrific. He frowned and thought about how he was going to give Strider an earful for leaving a perfectly fine guitar suffering in neglecting next time he’d see his smug ass. He was suddenly stung with a huge urge to play. It had always been a way he could unleash his feelings in a creative and safe way. He remembered how when he was feeling really, really frustrated and couldn’t blow off steam any other way, he only had to blow a few slamming tunes and he was fine again (Crabdad didn’t approve the noise much.)

Before he knew it, Karkat was already playing a stable melody. Huh, so he still could play. He was pretty happy about it, because he still loved it. Now that he thought about it, he could even sing now. No-one would hear it from this far. He took a deep breath and thought about wording for a moment. Soon he started to sing:

 

_Asinine_

_The reasons are asinine_

_I’ll never accept that I_

_Have fallen horns over heels_

_I hear no bells_

_No chorusing of angels_

_But I’ve fallen under your spell_

_I think I know how Juliet feels_

 

He thought about how much he missed John. He missed how John made the lamest jokes in paradox space; he missed his obtuse pranks; he missed how John had the most terrible taste in movies; he missed John’s one-track mind; he missed how John had those dumb teeth that didn’t fit in his mouth; he missed how John’s smile brightened up the room and his blue eyes shone with hope and optimism.

He thought about the ache in his chest.

_If Prospit and Derse decide_

_That they both are satisfied_

_Transportalizers all shut down for good this time_

_If I can't go to your world when the game is through_

_I'll still be horns over heels for you_

 

Karkat thought about his shitty luck. He thought about how much of an idiot he was for being wrapped up in his emotions even though there were so much more important things at hand. He thought about how he never was going to get John and how he didn’t even deserve him. Everyone else were having sloppy make outs with the ones they desired except him. He hated himself for it but he thought it wasn’t fair.

_So unfair_

_Everything is so unfair!_

_Buck teeth and messy hair_

_Aren't things that normally tug at my heart_

_Your eyes so blue_

_Oh I could get lost in you!_

_If only you knew the truth_

_But I guess "good friends" is a start_

_If Prospit and Derse decide_

_That they both are satisfied_

_Transportalizers all shut down for good this time_

_If I can't go to your world when the game is through_

_I'll still be horns over heels for you_

_You and me_

_Together we've led this team_

_And soon we'll reach victory_

_We might not meet again after this_

_I promised I_

_Would not let you see me cry_

_But there's not a dry eye_

_Between me and you_

Karkat thought about how he desperately needed to tell John. He couldn’t bear to live if he didn’t.

_I have to tell you soon...!_

* * *

 

Years in the future, but not many…

 

Lord English was defeated.

It wasn’t easy and many casualties had happened along the way, but they finally did it. They beat the game.

Karkat watched as John’s hands were shaking in anticipation. Nervousness was written all across his face. He turned to him, asking,

“Are you ready Karkat?”

Karkat’s eyes darted around as his throat suddenly went dry. _THIS WAS IT_ , his mind screamed. _TELL HIM NOW YOU USELESS SCUMBAG._

No words came out. John looked at him with worry.

“Are you okay? You look pale.”

“…ot okay.”

“Sorry, what did you say? I couldn’t hear that.”

“I said I’m not okay,” Karkat almost screamed. “I have so much I want to say. _Need_ to say!”

He got weird looks from their teammates, but he couldn’t care less. He was focusing on the boy – no, _man_ standing before him. Said man was also very confused.

“Can’t you tell me later, Karkat? Not to be rude, but we’re kind of in the middle of finally beating this monster of a game.”

“But what if there is no later, John? What if for some reason only you humans get to go and this is the last time we see or speak to each other?” Karkat was in the verge of crying. John looked at him, sadness and refusal building up.

“Karkat you can’t think like that! Of course you’ll get to go too!”

“But what if I won’t? You can’t know for sure! Just, please hear me out… It’s so important for me to tell you and If I can’t I’ll regret not telling sooner for forever!”

John started thinking. He looked at his teammates, who all nodded. They all had a couple minutes to spare. Or ten, depending on the length of Karkat’s rant. He locked his gaze with the nubby horned boy, sky blue meeting crimson. Karkat took a long, deep breath.

_If Prospit and Derse decide_

_That they both are satisfied_

_Transportalizers all shut down for good this time_

_If I can't go to your world when the game is through_

_I'll still be horns over heels for you_

 

“I really want to apologize at first,” he said. Before John could protest against that statement, he continued, “I fucked up a lot of things and was a real jerk to you. All of you.

“It’s just that I’ve never been good with emotions. I couldn’t handle them. Especially when it came to you. I was so awful towards you, even though you were an amazing person, because I was just so bitter over what had happened to us and was blaming it all on you. Since blaming others is easier even if it was not their fault but yours. As I begun to realize that, I understood that I was a fucking piss-brained nook sucking idiot.

“Yet you still wanted to be friends with me. You thought it was fun to talk to me. I still don’t understand how you came to that conclusion but I’m so freaking happy, regardless. You make my insides go into gross knots that feel so weird but not unpleasant for some reason and I’ve never experienced anything like that. Like, I know they’re not even doing it physically because it isn’t possible and if it was I’d probably die a painful death and **_fuck_** _I’m rambling again._

“The point is you give me peculiar sensations and my blood pusher starts thinking it’s one of your human ballerinas and makes acrobatic fucking pirouettes in my chest cavity when I think about you sometimes. And I know that you are going to be like ‘Karkat, why’ but I just want to tell you, even though I know you won’t feel the same, that I…”

 

_John, I'm horns over heels for you._

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this was my first fanfic. I don't know if I'm happy about it but I decided I could see what other people think. This means that CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is more than welcome! Also, if there are any grammatical errors, I'd like to note English isn't my first language.


End file.
